Krieger's guitar flits about like a mosquito that's too cowardly to actually bite you. And Manzarek's keyboards have never been wimpier. They honky tonk around, weak and thin, like the soundtrack to some movie about a disco queen looking to have a dance fight in an Old West gay bar. And not even Morrison can save it. His vocals are an ode to vowel sounds as he gobbles up his consonants like they're a basket full of psychedelics. Mojo Risin''!
What about 'Mr. Mojo Risin''?! Yes, you're right. Jim Morrison sings that famous doors lyric "Mr. Mojo Risin'" in this song. And guess what? That phrase is an anagram for "Jim Morrison" Holy Fuck! No way. That's amazing. You're right. This song totally can't suck now.
Aerosmith has written some of the greatest songs in hard rock history. But for several years in the late '70s and early '80s, they decided to start sucking full time, while engaging in excessive drug use. And then in , Aerosmith released Permanent Vacation , and we were so glad to have them back. Indeed, we were so happy that we sort of didn't even notice it when they began sucking it really hard again.
It wasn't until and their mega-cheese, Diane Warren-penned crap "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" that we realized, wow, apparently Aerosmith just got tired of being awesome. How did this happen? Well, all the signs were there in , even though "Living on the Edge" is still all over classic rock radio.
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Continue Reading Below Advertisement. From its whiny, jangling opening vocals of lyrical vapidity "There's something wrong with the world today" to its overblown, yet ball-less, chorus, it's six minutes and 21 seconds of pure mediocrity.
Steven Tyler, who typically exhibits a metal singer's range and a rapper's metric alacrity, merely phones in generic B-plus rock vocals more fitting for Bad Company or your boss' rock band -- the one whose demo tape he keeps trying to play for the receptionist in a failed attempt to get laid. Here it is. Maybe, just maybe, one of the worst songs ever written. All the great bands of the '70s have their opus. Led Zeppelin had "Stairway to Heaven.
And unlike most things that suck this hard, its suckitude is subtle. It creeps in slowly like a boring elevator conversation, but by the end, it has devoured each and every one of your internal organs like a musical cancer that leaves only your brain and auditory nerves intact so you can hear every single note until the sweet release of death. Its start off almost pleasingly. Some piano and reflective lyrics. A song looking back on the past and using the ocean as a metaphor for life. OK, that's a bit clumsy. Too much "board" going on, but not fatal. Still melodically pleasing, and the pipe organ comes in after that, proving this is a song aiming to be an epic.
Don't believe me? The song has a "gathering of angels. Is this song going to rock? Yes, guitars. Big Who-type power chords and the whole band singing "come sail away. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an anthem. Uh, what's going on at three and a half minutes in? Oh, right, this song came out in and Styx realized that pretty pianos followed by Who power chords weren't enough for rock immortality.
Lyrics so awful that I laugh every single time I hear them. Turns out those angels he was singing about weren't angels:. Do you get it?
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Yes, they were aliens. Because it was the late '70s and aliens were cool, that's why. But this raises a more hilarious question: If Dennis DeYoung knew they were aliens why the hell did he tell us they were angels at the start of the song?
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Is he singing in real time? It's not really what we call a surprise ending.
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It reads more like just a mistake. As if the next lyric could be "Oh, yeah, and by the way, that thing wasn't a boat. Turns out I was just on a waterbed tripping balls. But whether they be angels or aliens, they want the singer to sail away. So basically, let's sum this up: Reflective man vows to do his best in life, has a false vision of angels and is then abducted by aliens.
And you thought "Mr. Roboto" was retarded. Gladstone is Cracked. Follow him on Twitter. And then there's the Internet Apocalypse fan page. He has a website too.
8 Reasons Why the Holidays Suck/Rock! | HuffPost
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